The other night, after I had put Elliot to bed I found myself sat in the Sofa, pondering over just how different my life has become in this last year! So much has changed, I’m not just me anymore, I’m now a mum too! It got me thinking of some of the many things that make a Mum. So without further delay, here is my list of:
You know you’re a mum when…
1. Stained clothes are your most stable accessory – seriously you start with leaky boobs and as your child grows you get spit up, then snot, then grubby fingers from God knows what! You’ve basically being used as a giant wipe! Always mummy, never daddy – why oh why?
2. speaking of clothes when did you last buy yourself something new? Kid walks around looking like dapper Dan, whilst mommy on the best of days is happy if she can stay clear of point nr. 1
My handsome boy ready to go home from Nursery
3. oh and if you ever do buy something for yourself it’s first and foremost judged on the criteria of easy boob access!
4. you’ve developed superpowers that allows you to go into stealth mode once your child is asleep and you need to not be!
5. You have no clue what is going on in the grown ups world, but know exactly what is being talked about when words like “ninky nonk and pinky ponk” are mentioned.
6. BM (before motherhood) there where certain topics that you’d rarely (read: never! – except if nurse) bring up at the dinner table or just as random chat with OH – now you’ll daily update/want to know about bowel movements and other bodily functions, “has ‘insert name’ done a poo today?” Casually asked whilst having Tea of course.
7. leaving the house is now a mission demanding careful planning and military precision! “See you in 5!” HA! Make it 50 min and we might stand a chance of being dressed!
8. Speaking of dressed, gone are the days of a lie in being the cause of still wearing PJs come 11am! More like mommy hasn’t had much sleep, and parenting has resorted to “just let the little guy! it’s not sharp…it’ll be ‘reet “
9. A whole new world of excuses opens to you! For example “want to meet up?” – “sorry ‘insert kids name‘ and take your pick 1. Isn’t feeling well 2. hasn’t slept much 3. Needs nap 4. Is overstimulated 5. Teething!!!” – and the list goes on! Not always a lie, but definitely better than saying “‘insert kids name’s mum can’t be bothered, she is still in her PJ’s and desperate for a nap!”
10. Your handbag contains everything for baby, but the old essentials – lip balm, perfume, vanity mirror are nowhere to be found. But if you need wet wipes, a rattle, a Giraffe named Sofie or have a sore bum I’m your Gal’!
11. You Squeeze when ever someone says “don’t forget to squeeze!” – seriously pelvic excercise is the new black! (I bet you just squeezed!)
12. A trip to the loo used to be a private affair, not anymore! You are now so used to the audience you don’t even bother shutting the door!
So there you go my immediate associations that sprung to mind, when pondering over the many ways to identify a mummy, or at least this mummy… what are yours?